i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
