I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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