U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize