One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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