The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
