i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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