I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
