Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
