there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
