Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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