Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
