i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
