Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
