LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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