I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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