were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
