A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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