watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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