your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
40s are totally the cure
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
