thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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