This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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