i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish i was in the wii world.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
