I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize