Non-Jews are for practice
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
