Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
