i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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