her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
