i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
