after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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