On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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