And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize