i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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