she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
