And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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