ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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