You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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