Apparently you make a good broom.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
