So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize