I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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