There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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