my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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