I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
