Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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