She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize