I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
