she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
