it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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