I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
