I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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