Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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