you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
