You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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