oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
