Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
