He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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