yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
