I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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