I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
