So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
