well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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