i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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