My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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